texts I read so long ago

In a very old file directory containing fanfiction stories I manually rated saved 2023-09-10, a book titled “After: Nineteen stories of apocalypse…” saved 2021-11-02, “English Grammar in use” saved 2021-09-02, “The foundation novels” 2022-05-03, some more, and “Ready player two” 2022-08-01. Note that on the shadow library website, “Ready player two.pdf” had David Icke’s book “The answer” appended to it. Now thinking back, I do vaguely recall being confused about that, and of course I read and searched up more David Icke books to read. This is possibly the start of me getting all spiritual and weird stuff, so I think it’s worth documenting. Oh, the things I once remembered once upon a time.

Oh, I remember small details like this. When I was younger, the world didn’t have much information to offer me to process. Like extremely small amounts. So the things I did come into contact with, I remember quite fondly because it’s something old and familiar. And once something I laid my information starved eyes upon, heart more innocent than today, with unsatisfied curiosity.

I remember believing about all the talk about how “oh, wake up” and “the only real thing that ever existed was love” and such. I really liked the concept of emotions and how, quote, the entire world is made out of frequencies, that sounded really poetic and understandable, since as a conscious being, I am emotional. But reliable evidence points everything is made of plain matter and energy, so aww. But I have a much better understanding of emotions today, and much more able to understand the world, add knowledge to my brain, form new beliefs and values.

How David Icke was on about spiritual stuff made sense - humans were very crazy about religion and spirituality and higher powers, and bigger purpose, EVEN TODAY!.

For me now though, i understand how psychedelics might have been reinforcing some ideas already present in the witnesses, and how a lot of spirituallity is applied psychology and emotional theory.

I have David icke to thank, not for complaining about evil humans, not for trying to make people believe that the world is made out of a spiritual frequency and wifi is bad for you… But for encouraging me to explore, for the first time in my life, what it feels like to believe in spiritual ideas, to understand the world through metaphysical point of view, to view the world as nothing more than a real simulation with real feelings and real people and real events - that can all appear different if you change perception.

Meaning is never discovered. The meaning of a roll of toilet paper can be projected to mean “what a masterful and beautiful design”, it can be projected to mean “a utility for the cleaning of poop from the body”, it can be projected to mean “oh that’s just a regular part of my daily routine”, or at the atomic level, “a bunch of no idea what these are doing.” Meaning is constructed in the eye of the beholder.