I hope you’re ready to get your thinking caps on: thinking about friendships is the most important thing you can ever think about. Let’s dive.
forming friendships
Firstly, you will definitely enjoy this text by Lawrence Yeo. It’s a very deep exploration about the definition and formation of friendships.
As discussed by Lawrence, deeper friendships are very impactful. If I am to roughly categorize the friendship levels, it would be something like this:
- Kindred spirits are rare. If you find one, don’t ever let them go.
- Close friends are the most important friends. They listen to your honest thoughts and never judge you, because close friends care about each other.
- Happy friends are very nice to hang out with. They can be by your side sometimes and share laughter and thoughts.
- Happy acquaintances are good to interact with, and you shared quite some thoughts with each other. You might see them at work, school, through a mutual friend, or in a specific community setting. However, interactions are usually polite, brief, and focused on the immediate context.
- Meh acquaintances are people who can sit next to you and speak about small things - you don’t share and talk that much.
Statistically speaking, quality time spent together is a direct correlated to closer connections.
“You have to spend 40 to 60 hours of time with someone for you to be casual friends instead of acquaintances. they upgrade to a real friend at 80 to 100 hours. and get elevated to best friend after you spend 200 hours of time together.”
But of course, friendships are all about quality over quantity. Friendships that contain good conversations can make both parties feel much closer.
sustaining friendships
Forming good friendships take a lot of destiny (?) and time. So it’s important to sustain them.
Of course, it’s absolutely not important to sustain all friendships. After all, one person can only handle so much close friendships.
“The size of your friendship group actually stays pretty stable, at about 20 to 30 friends. However, half of your friends get replaced by new ones every 7 years.”
Why do close friends fall apart? Why is it so difficult to prevent this?
Clearly, friendships often dissolve because of a lack of opportunity to meet and connect. After a long time without talking, some friendships may feel like they are hanging on by a thread.
Friendships that have special meanings to both sides will persist easily because it’s natural to keep the connection.
https://www.ted.com/talks/mona_chalabi_what_makes_a_friendship_last
https://www.ted.com/talks/shannon_odell_how_friendship_affects_your_brain
https://www.ted.com/talks/marisa_g_franco_the_secret_to_making_new_friends_as_an_adult